Him.. with a code "I am always willing"

I was sipping my orange juice
waiting for my friend to catch lunch up with me
U were far beyond this country
I missed you, and still do til now

To me, you are such an angel,
suddenly fell from the sky above
Every single thing you have done
was really genuine and sincere
I do know that you do not expect anything
I can tell from your eyes, from anything
we have gone through

And suddenly you called
With that calming voice
you asked me how I was
I asked you back how you were
You asked me what I wanted from there
I replied that I did not know
You said you would get something for me
I said it was all up to you
Anything given from you, I would appreciate

Gosh, I miss you
Cannot wait until you come back
and have our quality time

Let's get the party started...

I have no clue..

I do not know what I have been doing lately
I do not know whether I was out of track..
or this is the thing that I should do
to move me from one point to another point

I do not regret anything
But I am wondering,
"Was it me?"
Yea, it was me
Me who was acting stupidly weird

How could I have done something like that?
But it was all good
I got the message
I know how it felt
I understand how bad it was
I am aware how stupid I was
I learn how dangerous it could be
and I could be

I am still in lala land
Even when I was sleeping,
so many things were around
So many voices stuffed my ears
The feeling sucked
I was imagining thousand conversations,
simultaneously
I talked loudly
No one was around

I do not want to wreck my brains
It is God's gift

What I could say right this moment is just...
Sorry to go through all this
I wish this is gonna be a lesson for me
It must be

........

a perfect closing ever..

I do not know how to thank You. I have got too many christmas and so-called pre new year presents...
1. $100 from my lovely Jay
2. Wonderful free pick-up by The Sapurys in Berlin
3. Ticket from Amsterdam to Berlin
4. Davidoff perfume (2 bottles)
5. Toiletry bag with bath foam and puff
6. A set of body care
7. Fancy satin black clutch with perfume and body lotion
8. Grey sweater
9. Fendi sunglass worths nearly 300euro
10. A blast night with cousins at a club
11. Stroopwaffles and chocolates
12. Free trip to Brussel, Atomiun and Mini-Europe visits
13. Memorable christmas dinner

I am speechless and thanking You head over heels.

Looking forward to my final year in college. Going to do my best for it.

Life is just like mathematics, but...

It consists of 3 elements:
1. Formulas
2. Problems
3. Outcomes (rights and wrongs)

Formulas have existed long way back
Formulas are already given to men
Formulas are always right
It depends on men to decide which formulas should be used to figure out their problems

Problems are always there, whether or not we look for it
Problems are just problems, there is no such thing as good or bad
Problems become worse if men think that way
Problems are lessons if men can look deep into

Outcomes are the result of formulas fit in to problems
Outcomes are always true, it's a fact
Yet, it is either right or wrong
Outcomes are situations when men are challenged to face it, deal with it
Outcomes are supposed to lead men to better human beings

We, as human beings, are not robots who can store all the formulas inside the mind
We, as human beings, keep searching, seeking, trying to find the right formulas for our problems
We, as human beings, keep learning from the mistaken formula we put in
We, as human beings, should share our formulas to others, remember share not stress
We, as human beings, sometimes forget and ignore
We, as human beings, are meant to do mistakes
However, human beings have brains to not fall down into the same hole

We, as human beings, are selfish
Selfishness is a fundamental variable in humans' traits
Everybody does have it ever since they were born

We, as human beings, must to be selfish
Selfish in which no harm for others
The one that differs a person from others is the level of selfishness
Some are in high degree, some have a very low egoistical
It is the result of what formulas they had,
what problems had taken place, and
how they personally took the lesson from the outcomes

Formulas + Problems = Outcomes

Problems can be solved by thousands of way, millions of idea, billions of thinking
Problems can be solved in a second, a minute, a day, a month, a year , years or even decades
Some people used a simple formula because they do not know the complex formula
Some people used a complex formula because they do not know the simple one
Some people used a simple formula to get a simple outcome
Some people used a complex formula because of their egos
Some people used a simple formula but got unexpected outcomes
Some people used a complex formula and got the outcomes as they wanted
Some people used a simple formula because they knew that simple formula cut their energy, time and money
Some people used a complex formula because they wanted to go through every difficulties and obstacles
This is the thing that does not happen in mathematics
In mathematics, the outcomes are definite
1 + 1 = 2
1 + 1 = 8 / 4 = 2
1 + 1 = (12 -2) / 5 = 2
1 + 1 = (100/4) - (46/2) = 2
1 + 1 = (2 + 2) / 2 = 2

However, life is not just numbers and knowledge
It involves brains, interactions, cultures, actions, provabilites, experiences, values, beliefs, customs, religions, lifestyles among human beings
One choice made sacrifices the others

Whichever turn we have made in a junction,
whether it is right or left,
We are going to face another junction in the next row
Life is full of choices
It relies upon us
Making a decision must be followed by preparation and readiness for the consequences

We, as human beings, sometimes fear failures and incapabilities
When you want to be successful, do not ever fear failure
When you want to be rich, do not fear to become poor
When you want to be helped, be generous to right people
When you want to be tall, look down
When you want respects, respect others
When you want A, go get A with efforts, no fear and no doubt

But if you wanna look deeper, yeaaaa...
It is basically as simple as 1 + 1 = 2

... if you make it so

You..

I just realized why I am so scared to fall in love
To depend on someone
To demand many things from other
To expect more of what other has given me
To change someone for my own good
To believe that I am good enough for someone else
To assure that someone is happy to be with me
To sacrifice my time and energy
To occupy someone's needs and wants
To sometimes pretend of liking something that I am not comfortable with
To adjust foot on someone else's shoes

Til now, I do not know what love truly is
But what I know is that love is about both parties' happiness
Love is about making yourself comfortable
Love is about creating comfort for other
Love is asking you to be yourself
Love is about letting somebody else to be what they are
Love is forcing you to control your emotion
Love is about understanding someone else to make you a better person
Love is an immature concept that leads you to maturity
Love is simple if you make it simple
Love is simplifying your way of thinking if you make it so
Love is about communicating your thoughts in the right way, time and angle
Love is sharing the ups and downs with laughs and tears
Love is demanding you to be more understanding about yourself, yet others
Love is a mirror of how sensitive, demanding and ego you are
Love is about winning yourself

If it does not seem so, then it is not love..

This is what I deserved

I know I've been quite far from my responsibilities lately. I know I've been quite unfit and demanding these days. I know I've been out of focus and priorities. I know I've been so childish and cocky. I know I was heading to the old me. I know that whatever has happened was what I deserved. But please, do not punish and put me in this situation. I am clueless, yeah I feel so useless. Please, I beg You, bring back the passport to me. Please, I beg You from the bottom of my heart... I will try my best to be back on track, to the things I have planned. The new me who focuses on only family, friends and studies. I really beg You... I would get rid things which can bust my emotion.

I beg You.

Back in time

I have never wanted to go back in time all my life... never ever thought of doin so. coz I believe whatever has happened, it's meant to be the best for me.

But ever since we got close, I wish I could go back in time to when we started before. I wish I could treat u like I should be. I know that I'd just be in your friend zone, but I keep expecting something else. I know it sounds cliche.. But it's true, you make me happy, happier and sometimes to the happiest.. I just see you as someone who is too perfect for me, too good to be true, that I have been waiting for. The one who could talk lousy yet educating, could say rubbish but growing plants, could tells lies yet true, could say no when you really mean no. It's kinda sad to be in this situation. I've never liked a guy like this before. I mean, u are a good friend of mine, a really good one. But I dunno, after we spent so much time together, I felt a sort of dependency. Yikes, I could not believe that I would say this kinda shit.

I really wish I can go back in time.. when we started before...